The Schvitz Diaries Pt. 3: Upstate Sauna

Sweating in Kerhonkson

I like to joke that the Hudson Valley is to people that were in Brooklyn indie bands with a little hype circa-2007 what South Florida is to Jewish grandparents and French Canadians. It’s a place where the middle-aged go to get away from the city but not be that far from it at the same time. And there’s nothing wrong with that! I’ve found myself being lured there more and more and find the little breaks really invigorating. But I tend to avoid Hudson or Kingston, the places that have more stuff to do and buy and gravitate towards Accord and Kerhonkson. If I’m driving two or three hours north then I want to get as far away from anything that resembles my daily life, so Emily and I have made Starlite Motel our new place if we want a little getaway, and this past weekend we tested out the refurbished midcentury roadside motel in the middle of February and found it even more lovely and peaceful than during the warmer months.

The Starlite is perfect for a lot of reasons. It’s affordable, especially compared to some of the hotels in the area. They did a great job fixing the place up, but they didn’t strip the heart out of it. It still feels like a place for travelers who just need a place to sleep for the night in the middle of a long trip might stop in at. In the summer there’s a pool and all year round there’s a firepit which my friends and I took advantage of since I’m a believer that there are few things as perfect as a big fire outside in the winter. All that, and there’s a sauna available. If I didn’t love the place already, the little outdoor Harvia barrel that’s available for use any time of day is the greatest of all amenities. Even more in the middle of February.

Silly me, I forgot to snap a pic of the sauna, but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. One of these suckers. The type of thing that I plan on owning somehow within the next five years of my life. If I find out I can put one on my roof then so be it, I will. If not, I’ll just have to make millions of dollars so I can get a second place with a backyard so I can put a sauna back there. It will eventually make its money back since I’ll cut my schvitz-going in half. But in the meantime, I’m going to say a little motel in the middle of nowhere with a sauna is my idea of heaven. After a long Friday night of driving and then eating all the Buffalo wings the only place that was open could serve us, and chasing those with too much wine, I was in desperate need of some time sweating. And, my friends, the motel schvitz was one of the best I’ve had in a long time.

Obviously, sweat is the big thing here. The beauty of the little saunas, especially if it’s just you in there, is that you can crank the thing up however high you want it. And since it is outside and there are some little cracks that let the cold air in, it’s best to get it really nice and hot. I turned the little knob to 1, heard the konk sound, then turned the other dial that controlled the heat up about three-quarters as high as it could go, then went back to my room and had some coffee and water while I waited. 20 minutes later I walked back to the sauna, poured some water on the rocks, walked back out, and waited another 20 minutes. When I went back, this time in my bathing suit, it was perfection. I got a good schvitz in no time and then walked out of the sauna and let the cold upstate air act like a cold dip and also possibly give me pneumonia.

The thing about a barrel sauna is that normally it wouldn’t really register as worthy of a Schvitz Diary. I mean, this is the hottest schvitz review on all of Substack. I have high standards. Any Tom, Dick, or Jane can go to the local hardware megastore and buy one of those suckers for a couple of thousand bucks. But there’s something so lovely about one just outside your motel room. Coupled with the fire pit and the fact that I left my laptop in Brooklyn and didn’t go on it for a full two days, I felt like I went on a damned wellness retreat. And I suppose I sort of did, except there was really hardly any wellness involved. And that in itself is pretty refreshing. The knowledge that all you really need to feel great is a little space, a fire pit, a couple of bottles of wine, some bar food and a barrel sauna outside your door for the morning after.