Weekly Kvetch: People Who Pay for Tote Bags

It's me, the Kvetch Yenta. Let's kvetch.

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Welcome to a new weekly column I’m calling the Weekly Kvetch. I’ve been thinking a lot about how the art of the kvetch—a complaint about something that might seem pointless or irrational to 99.7 percent of the population, but you will go to battle to defend—has taken a backseat to complaints about things that actually matter. And while it’s good that we speak out about climate change, idiot politicians, war, inflation, and other things that fall directly under the category “Bad,” sometimes it’s nice just to kvetch. A website you read has a new logo you hate? The barista is always playing terrible music in the morning? You can’t seem to find this one movie from 1999 on any of the 37 streaming services you pay for because you were told anything was available at the push of a button? Kvetch about it!

That’s what this column will highlight. It will be my weekly kvetch, but I’d also like to have your weekly kvetch in here as well. Please tell me what’s on your mind. What’s annoying to you right now? Not only will I publish some of the kvetches I get each week, but I will respond to them. You can comment, of course, but maybe you aren’t sure of the validity of your kvetch and want some advice. Your boyfriend’s glasses? Your landlord is too nice whenever you interact and it weirds you out? 30-somethings using slang they read 20-somethings use? If something is annoying you that doesn’t impact other people in any real, meaningful way, hit me up at weeklykvetch@gmail.com, let’s talk. Let’s kvetch.

I’m Kvetching about: People who pay for tote bags

A few days back, I got the e-mail for the Drake’s x Aimé Leon Dore collab and didn’t hesitate to click because I’m the target audience for that sort of thing. There’s some nice stuff, and you get to see things both brands excel at in the offerings like with the graphic bandana and some of the shirts in the collection. This sweater is also very, very good, even though I don’t usually love stuff with images/logos on the back. And, to be honest, the tote bag they’re selling also is very nice…but I wouldn’t pay for it. I especially wouldn’t pay $140 for it. I’m of the mind that you should never pay for a tote bag. You should either earn a tote bag or be gifted one. That’s it. Like true love, a tote bag will find you in the end.

What I will say is that the Drake’s x ALD tote does look very nice. Cool graphic, seems sturdy, 100 percent cotton, good handle length. But no, I still wouldn’t pay for it. Not $140, $40, or $4. If I’m to have a tote bag, then either somebody sends it to me or a friend leaves one at my apartment and messages me the next day, “Oh, I left the New Yorker tote bag I transported the casserole in. But don’t worry, I’ve got five more. Just keep it.” That’s the way the tote bag economy works: somebody else pays to make it and that’s the only financial transaction that should be involved. When you get that tote bag—whether it’s from NPR or it’s from some store in a trendy neighborhood that has an Italian nonna in the back hand-stitching pairs of silk undergarments that everybody in your city is obsessed with (or something like that…)—you are doing free advertising for whatever logo is on that tote. And yes, the same can be said about wearing a pair of Air Jordans or a Polo shirt, but Michael Jordan and Ralph Lauren don’t give their stuff out for free. Tote bags are easily attainable for no extra cost besides maybe the donation or purchase they come with.

At some point in the last 15 or so years, the tote bag became the ultimate piece of swag. Have any connection to publishing, media, the food world, fashion, or the arts in any way, you name it, there are likely at least five free tote bags in your home. And even if you aren’t in those worlds, the tote has usurped the humble company pen and also is a surer bet than putting a logo on a hat since not everybody wears them. A tote? Everybody can use one of those even if they don’t think they do. It’s good for city dwellers, great for people who want to pack light and maybe not carry a purse or backpack, and it’s also a status symbol. It says, “Hey, I went to this bookstore in Paris” or “Oh this? Zadie Smith gave me this Penguin Random House tote some party. I don’t know her, but they were handing them out and I was behind her. She turned to me and said, ‘Bloody hell, another tote bag?’ Then handed it to me.”

Yes, there are some other very good totes out there. I will say that I’m excluding the L.L. Bean boat and tote in this convo because those things are built to last a million years and actually age well. And if I see somebody walking around with one of those Russ & Daughters totes that’s designed to look like an old bag then I automatically think highly of that person even though it costs $55. You are allowed to spend your money however you want, and I’m not going to look down on you if I see you with a tote that I know is for sale. Instead, I’m just going to live swaddled in blissful ignorance and assume somebody just left it at your house.

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