Weekly Kvetch: Playing With Your Drone in Public

Sir, you are not a child

Hello! I'm looking for some new kvetches for the new year. What’s on your mind? If you’ve got a kvetch, something that is largely inconsequential but still drives you nuts, send it to weeklykvetch@gmail.com. Let’s kvetch.

I was reading this thing with Tracee Ellis Ross about her ten favorite things and it was the last thing on her list that really hit me. She loves pools. I also love pools. She’s not a beach person, and I—a person who has been vacationing for years on the same island in the Caribbean that’s known first and foremost for its sand and beautiful ocean views—also don’t consider myself a beach person. Tracee says the ocean isn’t “organized enough for me,” and I get that. At least, I think that I do. I consider the beach a disorganized mess mostly because of other people. If the beach is empty, then I’m all for it. But for the most part, people don’t know how to act when they’re on the beach, you’re usually forced to sit too close to strangers, and the general feeling is that you’re stuck there in the sand until it’s time to leave. With a pool, at least you’re likely close to somewhere to sit that’s inside. You can have a little space and get out of the sun.

Now, I get that there are beach lovers out there and I mean you no disrespect, but I just don’t trust that I’m going to have an enjoyable, fun, and/or relaxing time. I’ll still do it and I’ll shut my mind and hope for the best. If people act silly, then so be it, that’s their right. But the one thing I simply can’t tolerate is when a grown-ass man shows up on the beach and he pulls his drone out.

I don’t get the point of drones for fun. If you’re shooting for a Nat Geo documentary, then it makes sense. But if you go on vacation, you’re really going to schlep that thing with you so you can fly it over the ocean? I’m sure you’ll get a beautiful shot or two, but it’s still the ocean, and it’s already right there in front of you. Did you not get a remote-controlled car for your 8th birthday and you’re making up for it while ruining things for everybody else on the beach who has to figure out what that buzzing sound is? And then when they figure it out, they’re busy making sure you know how to fly that thing because they’re actually pretty dangerous. Not to mention hazardous and often illegal. But you don’t care. You paid to fly to Miami or St. Barts, you paid your money, and you want to fly your drone! It’s important that you get to justify spending all that money, so you’re going to ruin it for everybody else. I

I’m embarrassed for the Drone Guy. If he’s there with a partner, more often than not, the partner is trying to act like nothing is happening. They have a real “I don’t know this guy” look on their face, even though Drone Guy will routinely go “Check it out, babe,” and then show them…the water that the drone took a picture of. The partner will usually give it a quick glance, say something like “That’s so cool,” then go back to reading their magazine and acting like they don’t know Drone Guy.

But the Drone Guy isn’t satisfied with just beaches. He shows up to cookouts in parks and kids birthday parties in backyards, the latter the best and most captive audience for his toy. Seven-year-olds are crazy impressed by the drone, and it really takes such breathtaking shots of other homes in the cul-de-sac that Drone Guy feels confident telling people he’s a photographer and not just a drone owner.

But the truth is that almost nobody around you whether it’s on the beach or in a big field, is impressed with the drone except other Drone Guys. Just about everybody else is trying to live their lives and enjoy themselves and wonder why the creep with the remote control is flying his little toy above them. It’s kinda creepy, dude.